Over the years, through our own losses and through being invited into the losses of so many of you wonderful people, we’ve had the privilege of learning a few coping mechanisms – things that can help in the run-up to a day like Father’s Day that can suck so very much when your Father-bits are your most hurty. So we’re rounding up a few of them for you here, to try and help get you through this week in one piece.
Get it out
If there’s an angry hornet’s nest of emotions in your mind right now, it’s going to find some way to come out, whether you like it or not. It could be today when you yell at the bus driver, it could be later when you can’t sleep, it could be the mean comment you give yourself for no real reason, but that emotion is going to find a way to show itself somehow. So give your brain a helping hand and get it all out gently, on your own terms. You might want to draw or sing or do a short interpretive dance. You could try writing it down – write anything down and just keep adding words until something starts to flow. Or try a prompt – our post with Naila from @thishallowedwilderness has some beautiful ideas. The important thing is to give yourself enough space and time to feel what needs to be felt. In our crazy world, in this moment in time, that can be all too easy to let slide, so if you’re struggling, give it a go.
Do something nice
What makes you feel like you just let out a really deep breath? Find that and get it into your life. Maybe it’s a big walk across a cliff top. Maybe it’s a massage. Maybe it’s shouting at the sea. Making your favourite meal. Cloud-watching, bird-spotting, smashing something with a hammer. Clear some diary time, book it in and do it for yourself. Knowing you have a Nice Thing in the diary in a shit week is such a wonderful thing – the very best way to show yourself that you’re worthy of a little self-care.
Sometimes you don’t want to sit still and focus on it. Sometimes the wound’s too raw, the trauma too real, and what you actually want is to do something very far away from the little man with a loudspeaker in your head. So distract yourself. But, rather than do it in the less-than-optimum ways we’ve both definitely done in the past, give yourself some real joy to look forward to. Go to Thorpe Park and scream it out on a rollercoaster. Find an immersive art installation to lose yourself in. Grab the friends who get it and go for a massive brunch together. And make sure the friends know that you might at any point burst into tears/throw a cup at the wall. Go dancing, go riding, go on a day trip, try hang gliding for the first time. Get dressed up, wear a hat, don your fanciest togs and play a game. Watch your favourite four movies, or start Corrie from the beginning. Whatever gives you joy in your heart – do that.