Firstly, that’s not a hideous euphemism. Secondly, this is not my new sex dungeon. I’ve been trailing the red room for ages and finally it’s time to unleash her to the world in all her red, white and blue (and yellow) glory.

A room with red walls, blue and white botanical wallpaper, yellow rug, white baroque mirror, plant and bird lamp and lots of clothes and shoes
Can a woman ever have enough clothes? The answer is no.

My interior abomination
When we moved into Foxberry Towers we had all kinds of grand plans to make the little bedroom into an upstairs bathroom. But then we realised that was a terrible idea, we couldn’t afford it and so we did the next best thing: got rid of the bed, bought Calvin Harris’s modular sofa off eBay and turned it into my dressing room. The whole thing gave me 100% Mariah Carey vibes and what’s more Mariah Carey than white on white interiors so that’s just what we did. As you can imagine, in reality, a total absence of colour was not my bag and it took one look at Matthew Williamson’s hallway for me to resolve to paint the whole thing red. Jamie was delighted.

The right red
The first step was getting the right colour and unsurprisingly there isn’t an abundance of bright, apple-red paints on the market. Everything was a bit muddy or a bit orange or generally crap. That is until Claire of Crayvilla pointed me in the direction of Little Greene’s Atomic Red – a vivid, primary red. We decided to go for an all-over wash of colour so it didn’t end up looking like a Liverpool F.C bedroom. That meant not only doing the walls but cracking open the Zinsser primer and doing the shelves too which look awesome, if I do say so myself.

The wallpaper to end all wallpapers
Painting all four walls of the tiny third bedroom was daunting even for me and while I liked the effect, it definitely needed something to break it up. I knew I needed blue from the outset and as soon as I saw Lucy Tiffney’s blue and white botanical Mirage wallpaper I was hooked. It’s a Willow pattern for the millennial age and I absolutely love it. I’d honestly do the whole house if I didn’t think Jamie would leave me when he saw the handyman’s bill. Again, not a euphemism.

A room with red walls, blue and white botanical wallpaper, yellow rug, white baroque mirror, plant and bird lamp and lots of clothes and shoes  with the pink light of a Dolly Parton Neon
Trying to think of a purple cartoon character to compare myself to in the light of this room, all I’ve got is Barney…

The best neon this world has even known
I emailed Bag and Bones months ago after seeing a Dolly Parton Vibes neon online and knowing that my life would never be complete until I had one. Gigi walked me through the whole process like a G(igi), and I, of course, went for a bright pink sign cos a. red and pink, it’s a no-brainer and b. it makes the room have the exact hue of the rose room in Beauty and the Beast (and if you don’t get that reference, you’re too young to be here. Off you trot). We hung it opposite the mirror so every time I post an outlandish outfit option, Dolly P can be there, floating in the background like the ever-present deity she is. And finally the best thing about this sign, even better than it looking sublime and being Dolly P themed, is that it’s a LED neon so I’m not scared to touch it lest it spontaneously combusts and kills us all – happy, bloody day.

The epic ordeal of getting hold of the rug
I ordered this ochre geometric rug weeks and weeks ago from Next because I had a voucher and thought ‘marvellous, an almost free rug’. It has it all, the right yellow to sit against the rest of the room, the correct graphic pattern to offset the fuss of the wallpaper and the baroque mirror and was neither too big or too small. I’m goldilocks and it’s my ruggy porridge. However, after a lengthy wait I was informed the rug I’d been promised in 7-10 working days would actually be with me at the end of March. In a panic cos my lovely friend Kevin Lake had offered to come and shoot the room I rang around to see if anyone could get me the rug in time. double saved the day, gifting me the rug and getting it to me in record time. Michelle, I owe you a kidney.

A room with red walls, blue and white botanical wallpaper, yellow rug, white baroque mirror, plant and bird lamp  with the pink light of a Dolly Parton Neon
This mirror was £45 off eBay. The cushion cover material was off there too. And the lamp. The clue’s in the name, people.

The accessories
A lot of the things come from our old house – the medical cabinet that all my jewellery is in, the lockers and the enormous Lawrence L-B mirror – but with the amended colour scheme I felt no guilt whatsoever indulging in some new bits and bobs to pull things together. My Mizzknits cushion was actually a prize from Come Down to the Woods Christmas giveaway so no guilt there. The blanket was in the Hilary and Flo sale so felt ok about that. The bird lamp was from eBay and I was absolutely chuffed to find him as the ones I’d seen elsewhere were hundreds so not a pang on that front. The other cushions are covered in a vase print material I got from eBay and forced my long-suffering mother-in-law to make into cushion covers for me. Free labour and cheap cushions? I feel nothing but smug about that one. The Eliza Hopwell plates were not a bargain but then, it’s art innit.

Ladies being explicit and upfront about their sexuality will never go out of style in my books

So here’s my red room, folks. It’s not for bondage, I’m highly doubtful a millionaire will ever end up there and the endless piles of clothing are going to look that neat for three days max but I still bloody love it! Hope you do too. Normal, balanced service will resume next week but until Emma is back to provide a little decorum to this whole affair I shall do the blog equivalent of running round shouting ‘PAINT EVERYTHING YOU OWN EVERY COLOUR THE RAINBOW!’. Over and Out! x

Back to Top